Betty White

Let's get something straight: when you hear "Betty White," you're probably thinking angelic Golden Girl. Yeah, that's not me. I am more of the Betty White from Saturday Night Live--sharp wit and even sharper tongue, with yes, a sweet grandmotherly side that I like to mostly hide in order to keep people on their toes. I've seen a lot of stuff in my day, and therefore, I don't believe in wasting time or sugarcoating things. I'm going to watch you sleep, and in the morning I will give you pointers on how you can improve. I will critique your wardrobe choices, but you will thank me for it. I will judge your food serving style and express my views loudly. I'm fine with other cats, as long as they swear allegiance to me and recognize me as the household head. I'm also fine as a solo cat. And I will love you with a fierceness that will be unwavering, even if you occasionally forget my rules and touch my belly. Or wear socks with sandals. I'm ready to interview you. Have your people call my people. I look forward to it.